Opinion: Potholes in Amherst and England
Section of Lincoln Ave. between Amity St. and Route 9 illustrating active potholes and profusion of irregular and uneven patches of more than a decade's worth of previous potholes. Photo: Stephen Braun
Perhaps the good people of Amherst should declare war. No, not on authoritarian aggressors, foreign or domestic; not on undocumented workers or the proto-fascists trying to round them up, hold them in makeshift camps, and ship them off to countries they didn’t come from; not on homelessness or avaricious landlords or blood-sucking pathogenic ticks. This is a call for a war on potholes. These menacing craters threaten the equanimity of our drivers, the suspensions of our cars, and the safety of our pedestrians and cyclists. Pavement patriots here need to take inspiration from our fellow travelers in England.
A recent article in The Guardian documents their rage against insouciant public works bureaucrats and insufficient funds for amelioration, shoddy cold patch repairs, and the holes that have come to pock English roads, streets, and highways. They have an array of tactics. Some Britons are undertaking repairs on their own. Those with more litigious attitudes have begun suing for damages. Others have taken to illustrating the problem with lewd graffiti, using toys to create dioramas in them, filling potholes with yellow rubber ducks, or turning potholes into planters.
How should Amherst rouse its pothole protestors to action? Being an avid gardener, I am drawn to the planter idea. But Amherst is nothing if not a town predisposed to the public voicing its collective opinion. We also have an affinity for community celebrations of all sorts. Acknowledging these strengths, I would like to propose a Pothole Pageant, date TBD. The hoopla could include selecting a pothole regal (king, queen or nonbinary), a parade (EMTs standing by to minister to participants incurring sprains and falls as they encounter potholes unexpectedly), awarding neighborhood prizes for the largest holes and the most ingenious methods of alerting drivers and others to their presence, and perhaps converting a few of the larger craters into BBQ pits where the town’s restaurants could compete in a cook-off.
If the town can’t take road repair seriously, maybe we should just have some fun and celebrate our shared misery. Forward! Into the potholes!